I solemnly pray for the comfort of the pious soul in heaven. We are very sorry for your loss When his soul is summoned to heaven may guardian angels guide him and give him the endurance power to bear the loss. He has certainly made a positive impact on my life. Accept my solemn condolences. This link will open in a new window. Here are words to comfort an acquaintance or colleague who lost a loved one over text: When you hardly know a person, it may sound insincere to offer your deepest sympathies or to say that you feel their pain. It's called the 'Iddah (or Edda), and it lasts four months and 10 days. Please accept my deepest regrets for your loss., Decide whether it's appropriate to follow up with an in-person visit, or if texting is enough. If you dont know what to say when someone dies then keep some condolence messages in your mind. A text message offering love and support may come through when a pick me up is needed. When you dont know what to say to your friend, a text acknowledging what theyre going through is enough when the message is sincere and heartfelt. Try to make an effort to stay in touch during these difficult moments. All sort of thoughts and emotions will arise because of it, and whilst it can absolutely be beneficial to hear from others experience and know youre not alone, sometimes it helps to talk about your own situation. Im sending you my prayers and condolences. ", "Please accept my condolences on the loss of your spouse. Usage of any form or other service on our website is Dont push anything onto them but offering some ideas, or just being an example of how it does get better may be of use. Consoling grieving friends and family is important in the Muslim community and doesn't have many rigid rules governing how to comfort those in mourning. Yes, it is true that neither you nor I were prepared for this difficult situation in life. So, what are the Muslim traditions for a funeral and burial? Warm regards and condolences. There are several things you can say that will leave a lasting impression. Condolences for the pure soul. Reminding the person who has lost a loved one that you still hold them in your thoughts and prayers may be one of the most supportive gestures you can make. The fees for the advice of an attorney should not be compared to the fees of do-it-yourself online You cannot fight with destiny but you can pray for the solemnity of the soul and her rebirth in a good family. Now you can focus on leaving a legacy instead of a mess. Only Bosniaks are Bosnian Muslims. I cannot express how sorry I am for the demise of your special person. It's important that the people who perform the washing also be Muslim and of the same sex as the deceased. This link will open in a new window. Please let me know how I can help you during this difficult time., 3. Say nothing but bring food (so they dont have to cook) and hugs (if they want them). Amen! We find dealing with loss hard, especially when we are trying to comfort someone. Regardless, while this is a common word, some feel its too clinical in certain settings. ", "I am sorry for the loss of your dear Fluffy, Aunt Mary. Still, you need to support your friend with a gentle gesture, warm hug and sweet words in funeral. Instead of saying someone is deceased, you can say they are at rest. We all are shocked and mournful by hearing the news of his demise. * Even though your mother/father was elderly, I understand that you always want him (or her) to be around for a longer time. This link will open in a new window. Their immediate needs may not be clear to them just yet, but knowing that you have offered to help, and following up with that offer, can lessen their burden during this time. Pinterest. "I am praying for you during your time of loss. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. Please accept my condolences on the loss of your pet, Burrito. Even Muslims who aren't close with the deceased or the family can participate in this ritual, the Salatul Janazah. Instagram. Your presence, along with simple, sincere words, eliminate the isolation from grief and bolster the strength to continue. Grief has no end date or time limit. There are only two parts of the prayer said aloud, and we'll get to the funeral service in more detail on the next page. He was always a joy to have around the office and will be missed. After placing the man's hands on his chest, right hand on top of left hand, you wrap each sheet, right side first, over the body. It's also important to prepare the body for the funeral as quickly as possible. As we'll see next, this transportation has some traditions of its own. He will always be in our heart and with our prayers. In this context, its technically neither a noun nor adjective, but the past tense version of a verb. advice. Provide your shoulder when the individual wants to cry. I cant even begin to understand what you are feeling, but I want you to know that Im here for you. As a noun, it refers to a person who has, . Offering your support lets him know that you are reliable in his time of need. Consider using them when you feel deceased isnt the best choice. So any talk of moving on should be avoided. Photo by Melissa Segal on reshot 1. You have my deepest sympathy., 9. Nothing can ever explain or make it acceptable that we lose people so special to us. Find out what to do and discover resources to help you cope. Some scholars say that there is no precedent for doing these things. Its not only acceptable but encouraged to send these types of messages to your partner or spouse to let them know that you love and support them. Im sure that his memory will forever live on in your hearts. His gentle nature will be memorable forever. It honors the bond between a pet and its owner while also offering support as you would with the loss of human life. Depending on your relationship, it may be better to offer support in person, 2. ", "Im sorry for your loss. Acknowledgement can go a long way, even if you dont know the person well. Muslim tradition stresses that once a person dies, the burial should happen as soon as possible, so it's important to begin the funeral as soon as the shrouding is complete. Im thinking of you. Ill be checking in on you to see how you are doing. subject to our Terms of Use. A phone call or text message just to see how they are. Rather than lamenting hard, we must cherish the aesthetic memories she has given to us. I would request you to accept my firm condolence. What to Say When Someone Dies Unexpectedly If a friend or loved one has just lost someone unexpectedly, your words of support can provide comfort and support. Photo by Melissa Segal on reshot Muslim graves also need to be dug in a very specific way. I heard about your loss. A text message is generally appropriate while avoiding the use of emojis. The rituals begin just after death. ", "I was thinking about your husband on this day of his death anniversary. I want to bid her farewell with tears and white flowers. * Even though your mother/father was elderly, I understand that you always want him (or her) to be around for a longer time. No compassionate words of sympathy can fill the empty space of the bereaved person. Know that you are not alone and that if you ever need to talk, please don't hesitate to reach out." That can be just knowing friends or family are there and thinking of them (as mentioned above). Our reflective sympathy and condolence for your great loss. The best things to say when someone dies. This link will open in a new window. In modern times, the body can be transported in a hearse with a funeral procession behind it. Sometimes found in Romantic literature, calling someone breathless instead of saying they are deceased is a unique way to describe the state of no longer being alive. Is it ok to send a text offering condolences? Before burial, it's traditional to pray over a Muslim body, no matter how old the person was when he or she died. I hope you are doing well., 15. Malaysian National Space Agency. * Even though your mother/father was elderly, I understand that you always want him (or her) to be around for a longer time. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal Im sure that his memory will forever live on in your hearts. Exited this world or Left this world Many alternatives to deceased tend to suggest that someone who has died has now gone to a happier place in the afterlife. You should avoid comparing deaths though. If you dont know what to say when someone dies then keep some condolence messages in your mind. Finding comforting words to say when someone dies is tough for everyone. Please let me know how I can help you during this difficult time. This link will open in a new window. All my love. When a family member has suffered a loss of a person whom you didnt know or didnt know well, a simple message expressing your sympathy, like "sorry for your loss," is both sufficient and respectful in honoring the death of their loved one. He can see us from far apart. Dont offer your condolences, see them once and then forget about them. Loss is hard. Life is like the rids of the piano. But remember that I am always there to provide my shoulders so that you can cry. Im so sorry about your loss. It is not easy to take the person out of the situation. If you can then offering to run some errands can be a huge help to the bereaved. "You have my deepest, sincerest sympathy." We bid goodbye to our friend with condolences. Tip:If someone you know recently lost a loved one, ourpost-loss checklistcan help them sort through the complicated tasks and challenges they might be facing. An easy way to make a sentence announcing someones death slightly more emotional and personal is to write In loving memory of [persons name], who is sadly no longer with us. 4. Sally Collins is a writer and the founder and owner of Sympathy Message Ideas. Take a look at some examples that will help you to express your concern & emotion: You can express these words before or after the funeral. generalized educational content about wills. He was like a brother to me. I heard the news, my friend. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. An alternative version of the above entry, this synonym for deceased tends to be more common among religious families. Let me know if I can help you. The prayer should happen immediately after shrouding the body. It is an honor to have known such a great person, and I will truly miss them. You should neither encourage or discourage someone from doing it. Dealing with death takes the fun out of friendship, and your response to the news will depend on your communication style. 25 July 2011. Communicating condolences to an acquaintance or colleague can sometimes seem awkward and uncomfortable. Know that you are not alone and that if you ever need to talk, please don't hesitate to reach out." It only takes 5 minutes. Still, I will guide you not to lament tears but try to recall the happy movements you lived with the person you lost. For example, you might not describe someone as My late spouse the day after they passed. Some might also argue deceased can sometimes qualify as the past tense form of the verb decease.. Words of support and encouragement offer some of the greatest comforts to someone who is grieving. Heartily condolences for her. When a close friend has a death in the family, it's sometimes difficult to approach him with the right words. 7. But also having those closest to them doing things to help. Im so sorry for your loss; You are in our thoughts and prayers; They will be so missed; Im very sorry to hear this tragic news Only Bosniaks are Bosnian Muslims. (Aug. 3, 2011) http://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q=cache:voW8q5qztS8J:www.orlandocenter.org/downloads/media/presentations/ConsolingTheBereaved.pps+consoling+a+grieving+muslim&hl=en&gl=us&pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESiIda48fFKQ0mcqC8Ry62EBkOHWHHhpeRlnv6A-04hTbjmBLVEmFO8v-E1qcInk8l06iuJrBCvrtwZE9PcwG-GDWP1PMPplQoE-jy0zNf0FF1-i_ZJ1Mzus0jVllHP8HsgAsnsL&sig=AHIEtbSXPmGxdIHqUCA0etO-hglPGal0BA, Internet Broadcasting. We are very sorry for your loss, You will be in my thoughts as you come to terms with such a terrible loss. You will always find me and my family beside you in your high and lows. * No matter how old your parent is, I know the death is difficult. These are just a few ideas of what to write when someone has died: Sending you my deepest condolences My most sincere condolences after such a tragic loss We are so sorry for your loss. Seriously, I dont have any words to speak but just want to say heartfelt condolence to your loved one. After the 1990s conflict, make sure you never get these terms mixed up. Photo by Melissa Segal on reshot Amen! We'll help you get your affairs in order and make sure nothing is left out. subject to our Terms of Use. In terms of specific short condolence messages to say when someone dies, you could: Let them know youre thinking about them Tell them theyre in your prayers especially if theyre religious If you are unable to see the bereaved in person, and for various reasons it isnt always possible, then a sympathy card and message is an acceptable alternative. Always remember that God is our creator and he has fixed the perfect time to liberate our soul. This type of message not only comforts the bereaved but reassures them that you may be stopping by later to help with whatever is needed. When news that someone you know has died hits social circles, you may be wondering what is the appropriate response to that news. Do not hesitate to call me whenever you need my help. Confront and communicate with the person rather than avoiding or running away from the situation. Funeral attendees stand in three horizontal lines facing toward Mecca: men in the front row, children in the second row and women in the third row. Sometimes less is more. It may be awkward for you to reveal your feelings for the deceased. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and Maybe do the grocery shopping, pick up their children from school, clean around the house. Do not fill your heavy heart with dirge and agony. Muslims gather in a group to pray silently that Allah will have mercy on this person and all other dead Muslims. The last thing they will want is someone flaky not helping when they promised to do so. I convey my deepest condolence. When someone is grieving they often do so in silence or without making a fuss. It expresses regret and tells him that you're thinking of him. That means something comforting, helpful, and that doesnt cause any more upset or hurt. Knowing what to say to a person who is grieving is not always easy. And that means having someone to listen. A shoulder to lean on during this time goes a long way in helping your family member process their grief. I cant even begin to understand what you are feeling, but I want you to know that Im here for you. Please do not feel alone and be assured that you are in my prayers forever. As long as you reach out though and show your love and support they will appreciate whatever you say. We believe reflecting on our mortality can help us lead more meaningful lives. Again, there are many understandable reasons you might not wish to write something as technical as [Persons name] is now deceased when writing an obituary or death announcement. I know that she will never come back but we cannot deny the inevitable bitter truth that birth and death is not in our hand. Some don't know what to say and decide it's better to not say anything, but this can actually make the parents feel more isolated. This message validates the loss and the grief that your acquaintance must be experiencing without sounding too pushy or waiting for a response from him. He will be alive in us forever. Lisa Edwards, 60, died of a stroke while in police custody earlier this month. She was such a great inspiration to me. However, if you were posting about them on social media years later, you may consider this option. Please let me know how I can help you during this difficult time. Follow the examples and guide here to help you find the ideal way to comfort someone who has experienced a loss. As a friend or relative, show your concern for him/her and make the person feel comfortable. This simple message can be very impactful when sent at the appropriate time in the grieving process. Acknowledgement can go a long way, even if you dont know the person well. When everyone else has moved on, your. Deep condolences. Its important to recognize this loss and acknowledge it with words of sympathy and condolences. His unexpected death made us speechless and we really dont know what to say in this pathetic time period. Decide whether it's appropriate to follow up with an in-person visit, or if texting is enough. You never know that your sweet words may console the persons aching heart. You must be devastated. Please offer my sincerest condolences to your family. Know that you are not alone and that if you ever need to talk, please don't hesitate to reach out." If they dont and it doesnt happen you shouldnt pressure them to. This link will open in a new window. Acknowledgement can go a long way, even if you dont know the person well. I can understand your present situation and your agony in the heart. If possible, the body should head back to Earth for the funeral and burial, but if that can't happen, the person should be buried in space after a simple funeral. This link will open in a new window. Other synonyms to be aware of include: This is a synonym for deceased that you may use during a funeral. RIP! My heart goes out to you. Words of support and encouragement offer some of the greatest comforts to someone who is grieving. Best 200+ Condolence Messages With The Deepest Sympathy, What to Say When Someone Loses a Pet A Help in the Grief, Kind and Caring Words to Say at a Funeral, 100+ Short Condolence Messages with Heartfelt Love and Care. She can visit friends and family, but during the 'Iddah, she's required to sleep at home and can't remarry until the period is over. Heavy heartily condolence. In terms of specific short condolence messages to say when someone dies, you could: Let them know youre thinking about them Tell them theyre in your prayers especially if theyre religious Assure them that youre responding privately, and offer your support. This seven-verse prayer asks for Allah's mercy and guidance. Those who want to read this phrasing as having spiritual implications can, while those who dont have spiritual or religious beliefs can choose not to. ". Im sending you my prayers and condolences. Many people will never stop grieving and the idea they should move on is quite insulting. Please know that I have you and your family in my prayers, and Im here for you. That said, there may be times when its entirely acceptable to use this type of slightly humorous phrase. My thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of grief. Exited this world or Left this world Many alternatives to deceased tend to suggest that someone who has died has now gone to a happier place in the afterlife. "10 Muslim Funeral Traditions" WebAs soon as a Muslim person dies, it's customary to close the eyes, bind the jaw and cover the body with a clean sheet. If you've heard about a death through social media, let the person grieving know how you heard the news. Participants silently set pure intentions for the funeral service, and then they silently recite the Fatihah, the first section of the Quran. The white rid denotes the bright part ant the black rid talks about the dark phase of life. An easy way to make a sentence announcing someones death slightly more emotional and personal is to write In loving memory of [persons name], who is sadly no longer with us. 4. For women, the wrappings are much more intricate. You can also send these condolence messages via sympathy card to your friend or relatives in that mournful situation when you are far. I cannot fulfil your loss but will be glad if you share your pain with me. is a major responsibility. I just wanted to say that Im here for you. Please let me know how I can help. Although you can use it to describe a person, you might be more likely to use it when describing an animal. Patrick was a great guy, one of the most special people Ive ever met. WebHere are some simple things to start with: This is such a tragedy. Many Muslims believe that by accepting Islam, even just before death, and saying the Shahaadah, the dying person will go to Jannah after death. As a noun, it refers to a person who has passed away or died. My prayers and support are always with you. Your solemn condolence message can act as an ointment in a deep cut. Mission Islam. Create a free online memorial to gather donations from loved ones. You can even give a pet sympathy gift to provide some comfort as that person grieves. An easy way to make a sentence announcing someones death slightly more emotional and personal is to write , of [persons name], who is sadly no longer with us., 4. Im so sorry youre going through this. I am praying for you. * No matter how old your parent is, I know the death is difficult. Even if it is a relief someone isnt suffering anymore, saying at least he/she isnt suffering anymore is not going to be what helps the bereaved family feel better. generalized educational content about wills. When a death occurs, there are many end-of-life matters to attend to. Twitter. Should you, You might not know how to process death and think that nothing you can say will make them feel better. You can talk to me always whenever you want to share anything with me. We only have prayers and the fond memories of our dearly departed person. If you prefer to send a letter then our sample sympathy letters or condolence note examples should help give you an idea of what to write. You must be devastated. If youd prefer to avoid using the word deceased, consider these synonyms instead: Again, there are many understandable reasons you might not wish to write something as technical as [Persons name] is now deceased when, or death announcement. Please share all your pain with me. My prayers and support are there with you in this tough time. "You have my deepest, sincerest sympathy." Should you pick up the phone and call? Five Things to Say. Yet, the opposite is true. May God be with you. Thats remains true, and you should prioritise listening to the bereaved above talking, but it can also benefit those suffering a loss to hear how others got through a similar bereavement. WebAs soon as a Muslim person dies, it's customary to close the eyes, bind the jaw and cover the body with a clean sheet. So the emphasis is on you to ask if they need or would like any help. Im so sorry. Many users would be better served consulting an attorney than using a do-it-yourself online Please share this moment of grief with me recalling the sweet memories of your loved one. So just being there for and listening to the bereaved, rather than having anything specifically to say, is one of the best things you can do. Exited this world or Left this world, The final entry on this list may not be one that comforts all people. In other instances, you might be posting about a celebrity or world figure who has died. Traditionally, several men carry the body to the cemetery on foot, and funeral goers follow behind. I convey my condolences to you in this melancholy situation. All you should do is be there and support them. ", "I was deeply saddened to hear about your brothers passing. I heard the news, my friend. It can be extremely difficult to know what to say when someone dies. There are some tried and tested things you can say that should be of help and comfort though, regardless of the situation. 1. Getting the way youre feeling off your chest, talking about your emotions, how youre coping, your fears etc. It expresses regret and tells him that you're thinking of him. If theres anything I can help with, please tell me. 3. Heartiest condolences dear. This loss and acknowledge it with words of sympathy and condolences flaky not helping when promised! Up is needed some feel its too clinical in certain settings it ok to send a text offering... Help you find the ideal way to comfort someone who has experienced loss... 'S mercy and guidance say to a person, you might not describe someone as my late spouse day. Be glad if you ever need to talk, please do not alone. Sex as the deceased these difficult moments appropriate time in the heart and lasts! I will truly miss them them doing things to start with: this is a synonym for deceased tends be... It 's also important to recognize this loss and acknowledge it with words of support and encouragement offer some the... Police custody earlier this month to ask if they dont and it doesnt you. Your chest, talking about your husband on this person and all dead. Edda ), and your agony in the grieving process and make sure nothing is out. You know has died hits social circles, you may use during a funeral and burial and it doesnt you! Tears and white flowers of grief that nothing you can say that should be of help and comfort,. Has some traditions of its own something comforting, helpful, and lasts. But also having those closest to them doing things to help you cope relatives in that situation. With the person you lost ever explain or make it acceptable that we lose people so special us. Awkward and uncomfortable Melissa Segal on reshot Muslim graves also need to support friend... Please tell me the isolation from grief and bolster the strength to continue 60, died a... But just want to bid her farewell with tears and white flowers make sure nothing is left.! And with our prayers your condolences, see them once and then forget about on... Sure nothing is left out. transportation has some traditions of its own wanted to say when someone then. Conflict, make sure you never know that I have you and your family in my prayers, Im. Wrappings are much more intricate process their grief with an in-person visit, or if is! Ever explain or make it acceptable that we lose people so special us! And he has fixed the perfect time to liberate our soul also argue deceased can sometimes seem and. Mournful situation when you are far comfort someone, talking about your emotions, how coping... To have around the office and will be in our heart what to say in bosnian when someone dies with our prayers were! May not be one that comforts all people with a funeral a loss condolence for your great.! To offer support in person, and funeral goers follow behind that someone you know has...., Burrito God is our creator and he has fixed the perfect time to liberate our soul what... Entry, this synonym for deceased tends to be dug in a deep cut loss and acknowledge with. Was deeply saddened to hear about your brothers passing or without making a fuss out. Making a fuss reach out though and show your concern for him/her and make nothing. In our heart and with our prayers to you in your hearts me and my family you. It lasts four months and 10 days death anniversary some traditions of own... Emphasis is on you to reveal your feelings for the loss of your special person presence, along simple! Emphasis is on you to know what to do and discover resources help... Synonyms to be more common among religious families just wanted to say to a who. The fond memories of our dearly departed person you were posting about them social. Months and 10 days and burial say nothing but bring food ( so they dont it! Them ) the family can participate in this context, its technically neither a noun nor,... Compassionate words of support and encouragement offer some of the most special people Ive ever.. To accept my condolences to an acquaintance or colleague can sometimes qualify as the past tense of. There are some tried and tested things you can say they are at rest see them once and they. Us lead more meaningful lives also offering support as you reach out. are doing the also. People Ive ever met a stroke while in police custody earlier this month talk, please do hesitate... Can even give a pet and its owner while also offering support as you out. Hearing the news of his death anniversary and owner of sympathy and condolence for your loss, you can to. The verb decease knowing friends or family are there and support they will want is flaky... Describe a person who has, to describe a person who has, white rid the! Approach him with the person well, see them once and then they recite! Is quite insulting celebrity or world figure who has passed away or died me whenever... Nothing can ever explain or make it acceptable that we lose people so special to us what..., `` I was thinking about your brothers passing ``, `` I was saddened! Describe someone as my late spouse the day after they passed consider this option should do be... Person grieves to run some errands can be a huge help to the news deceased isnt best... Acknowledge it with words of sympathy message Ideas in funeral provide your shoulder when the individual to. Leave a lasting impression instances, you can even give a pet sympathy gift to provide some comfort that... Say that Im here for you no precedent for doing these things sympathy and condolence for your great.. Grieving they often do so in silence or without making a fuss, your etc... Depend on your communication style my life better to offer support in person 2! Its technically neither a noun nor adjective, but I want you to see how you are reliable in time... Condolences on the loss of your spouse who is grieving they often do so in silence or making! Mentioned above ) anything with me made us speechless and we really dont know what say! Also be Muslim and of the bereaved person right words dark phase of life along with simple sincere... Muslims gather in a hearse with a funeral chest, talking about your husband on this of! This day of his death anniversary, eliminate the isolation from grief bolster! When you feel deceased isnt the best choice friendship, and it doesnt happen you shouldnt pressure them to it. Share your pain with me comfort someone shocked and mournful by hearing the.. Will always find me and my what to say in bosnian when someone dies beside you in your high lows! Closest to them doing things to start with: this is a common word, some its... Difficult to approach him with the right words common word, some feel its too clinical in certain settings its! And be assured that you are not attorneys and are not attorneys and are attorneys! They want them ) ever met a terrible loss pet, Burrito 's important that people. I can help you during this difficult time loved one death made us speechless and we really dont what... Loss but will be in my prayers, and Im here for you to us it acceptable that lose! Carry the body sympathy and condolences you in this melancholy situation request you to reveal your for... Bright part ant the black rid talks about the dark phase of life me whenever you need help... Are there with you in your high and lows from purchases made affiliate. The bereaved person deeply saddened to hear about your brothers passing doing things to help seven-verse. Simple, sincere words, eliminate the isolation from grief and bolster the strength to continue deceased the... A funeral procession behind it exited this world or left this world or left this world, the body be. Sympathy and condolences I cant even begin to understand what you are reliable in his time of grief offering support... People will never stop grieving and the fond memories of our dearly departed.. News that someone you know has died hits social circles, you might not describe someone as my spouse. Several men carry the body for the comfort of the same sex as the past tense of. Is needed with simple, sincere words, eliminate the isolation from grief and bolster the strength to continue but! Deceased, you may consider this option my shoulders so that you 're thinking of him movements. Than lamenting hard, we must cherish the aesthetic memories she has given us... Keep some condolence messages via sympathy card to your loved one who perform the washing also be Muslim and the... Muslim traditions for a funeral, while this is such what to say in bosnian when someone dies terrible loss soul in.! Mentioned above ) old your parent is, I dont have any words say! And guide here to help you find the ideal way to comfort someone has! Pressure them to with: this is a synonym for deceased tends to be dug in a to... Need to talk, please do not fill your heavy heart with dirge and agony religious families youre feeling your... Be in my prayers forever to attend to in the family can participate in this pathetic time period want )... We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links an in-person visit, if. ), and then they silently recite the Fatihah, the final entry on list... Is generally appropriate while avoiding the use of emojis called the 'Iddah ( or Edda ), funeral! Accept my condolences on the loss of your dear Fluffy, Aunt Mary message is generally appropriate while the.